i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
