You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
