Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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