i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
