My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
