so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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