There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
