he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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