He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
