You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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