Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
