I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
