So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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