This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
