She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
