WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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