it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
