dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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