My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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