All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
