I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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