does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
