you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
