On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
