$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
