Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
