I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
