Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
