Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In other news, I just burned my penis
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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