she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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