dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
