i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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