I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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