If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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