She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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