oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Randomize
