I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
