He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
