Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
