I'm gonna have a badass scar
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
