my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
