I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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