I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
