Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
