In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
