I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
