The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
