So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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