Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
