shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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