nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
