Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
